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Avoiding the Slammer and a Trip to The Tipped Tankard

Posted in: Play,Weekly Update by relientKitten on April 1, 2009

Dear Diary,

(March 25)

Well, blah. It’s been a heckuva day. Seeing as these Divas helped me obtain my summer home and all, I’ve been following them around for apiece. It will also help my research into whether or not the phenomena of coinciding cycles (the idea that women who spend a lot of time together will, over time, begin to have their menstrual cycles during the same time frame) is actually a valid theory. It seems as if they gather with unlikely crowds, however.

On approaching Cauldron and standing in line to be allowed into the city (something about a tax), a large group gathered around me. Of course, I assumed that they had heard about my research on the mating habits of hobgoblins and wished to congratulate me on such a wonderfully articulated piece.

My assumption, however, was incorrect as the crowd was a group of orcs (who might be interested in hobgoblins only if sheep were not available) with spears pointed towards me. How rude!

Having dealt with these sorts of crowds before, I shot up into the air with a Swift Fly spell and demanded to know what was going on (there’s not much that ruffles my feathers more than Orcs who feel they can invade my personal space, especially ones that have not bathed recently). It seems that the news of my receiving the honour of ruling the plane of Occipitus had not yet reached their ears and believed my Smoking Eye to be some sort of bewitchment! Unlearned curs… Having forgotten my ring in my frazzled state, I conjured a mist to conceal my form and demanded the location of the closest inn, to which I headed immediately. Some of those lousy orcs were made to follow me; they did not even have the sense to realize I was a scholar, muttering in their guttural tongue. Of course, I understood and even empathized with their lack of job options, but my blood was still boiling.

Arriving at the inn, the cloud dispersed and I changed my guise to that of a more **cringes** normal elf, ordered a round of drinks for the orcs who were just doing as the holders of their leashes demanded, and went up to my room.

Time passed and I was able to ponder the events that had just occurred. Unsure of what the response of their head of the guard would be, I remembered my ring and used its power, then brewed some tea. After a while, Indira arrived with the head of the guard, Quitleg or somesuch. The halfling was a bit full of himself and did not seem keen on apologizing for the actions of his minions, instead requesting me to keep myself hidden or disguised after making a spectacle of me. The nerve! As I owed Indira for the restoration of my life force after the run-in with that nasty crystal, I begrudgingly have done as she asked and wear an eye patch. Harumph. I feel as if I am a corsair, no wonder they wish to loot and plunder and raid constantly.

This halfling mentioned that my punishment for his not being able to control his own people is due to the number of individuals who have been causing a ruckus. When found, these individuals have had soot around one of their eyes. Of course, mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery, but I really do not care for groupies because they tend to cause so much trouble. It is not my fault that folks wish to aspire to my ability; perhaps I should provide a PSA to the local schools.

One individual in particularly did not have the smoking eye but claimed he was Adamarchus himself! I have heard of stranger, though whatever would cause one of such power to be in the body of a peasant is strong magic indeed, and thus my interest was piqued. Along with the Divas, we visited the jail cell and spoke with the young man.

He certainly did not appear as I would have imagined Adamarchus. There was no magic about him, he did not seem compelled. It is possible that he was reborn into this form, but something tells me that this man was not actually Adamarchus. The halfling told us that he had been found outside of the Tipped Tankard, an inn that had been closed down a few weeks ago. My companions seemed to know of the place, so we went that direction.

(April 1)

On our way to the Tipped Tankard, a sudden downpour seemed to get the better of Indira, who started feeling a little under-the-weather. Not wishing to leave us without the light of Pelor, apparently her second cousin twice removed was in town. She also happened to be named Indira. Strange names these humans give their children. So Indira took her leave to rest. Bruce was being rather fitful, likely a bit tired of being cooped up in town, and Ian decided that a frolic in the woods at the base of the volcano would do him some good. Cinder disappeared, as rogues tend to do. I cannot say that I trust those of a roguish nature, but being an Elf-kin, even if one of the lesser-learned of my brethren, I have faith in her. Zellie excused herself, intent on buying some jewelry while we were in town. And so it was just the five of us: Acgar, Sadi, Myntilly, Indira, and myself.

Myntilly, perhaps fearing some evil within the Tipped Tankard, thought that it might be best to see if the passages underneath the local bathhouse would lead beneath the building. I believe she intended to find an alternate route, and her idea proved valid: she discovered a false ceiling, painted to look like the earth around it. When Acgar was unable to jostle the panel out of place, I used a Greater Mage Hand to lift and shift it to the side. Myntilly aimed true, the grappling hook affixing itself to the edge, and we climbed our way into the Tipped Tankard.

We had surfaced behind the bar. The entire place was covered in dust. Tables and chairs were blanketed with white sheets. There were no glasses, no ale, no people… very depressing. Sadi seemed to have gotten lost behind us, so Myntilly took point, searching around the area. Attempts to move quietly were in the process of being foiled by Indira, the walking trash can, when suddenly I inhaled a dust bunny and sneezed violently. So much for that.

Myntilly checked the room behind the bar and found the storage room, but nothing other than more dust. Acgar checked under a cloth-covered table and found another dust bunny for me to inhale. All in all, this was very boring and my allergies were getting the best of me. As Myntilly walked opened the next door, she mentioned that the dust had been disturbed between the door and the back corner of the room. Seeing as undisturbed dust had been driving my sinuses crazy, I wasn’t about to dabble in disturbed dust and stayed back. Acgar, however, followed the trail to the corner and looked under the old keg stands. She found an egg. Full of jewels. I couldn’t think of anything that laid eggs filled with jewels… very strange.

About this time Sadi reappeared from the hole in the ground. We all continued down the hallway, Myntilly and I both invisible. She opened the door and we discovered a much larger hallway with multiple doors leading off of it. Taking point once again, Myntilly started opening doors. Each door opened into a guest room. We all gave each room a search, watching for more of the disturbed dust and looking for eggs. The first room was empty and no dust disturbed, but the second one there was disturbed dust and we found another egg, this one again filled with jewels. I’m not complaining, as they’ll help to cover the cost of remodeling Occiptius, but not knowing what the source was continued to be unnerving.

As we made our way to the third doorway, Myntilly paused, noticing that the door was not latched, but only mostly shut. The dust had once again been disturbed here. Suddenly we heard a “woosh” through the air and three large missiles came hurtling towards us! Sadi just watched as two landed a few feet in front of her, crashing to the ground and cracking open, but Myntilly was not so lucky as one made contact with her. On contact, shards of the cracking object caused those around her to duck and the contents oozed out, burning her skin as it began to harden. She brushed it off quickly and we all turned and looked toward the end of the hallway.

A rabbit.

A large rabbit.

A large rabbit with glowing red eyes.

A large rabbit with glowing red eyes and holding a basket.

A large rabbit with glowing red eyes and holding a basket full of eggs.

I had heard tales of this mythic creature, but I never thought them to be true… a denizen from another plane, this “Easter Bunny” brings presents to children of its plane, hidden inside special eggs that it lays, on a specific day each year. But why did this one have glowing red eyes? And why was it lobbing eggs at us?

It lobbed more eggs at us as we tried to figure out what to do. Conjuring a Bloodgem, I wished the others luck and hid behind the group. Acgar stepped up and used her mighty halitosis on it while Myntilly zapped it with a Lightning Bolt. Indira would have made her second cousin twice removed proud as she began patching up our companions and Sadi aimed her bow for a true strike.

It charged Sadi, threatening all of us with its lopped ears and poisonous fangs. Opening my magic Sailor Moon (TM) compact, I blew glitter onto it, but it seemed to blink the powder away. Indira again healed our wounds and Sadi fired her bow, taking the hit from the monstrous fluffy bunny as she momentarily let down her guard. The blow was enough to cause her to lose her focus as her arrows flew askew. The Orb of Acid that Myntilly threw hit its mark, sickening the rabbit and causing the Bloodgem to glow as it weakened the creature, and Acgar jabbed it with her spear.

In a rage, it conjured evil power and pummeled Acgar! She managed to withstand the blow and we continued our onslaught as another orb from Myntilly made its mark and more arrows were let loose from Sadi’s bow, one finally connecting this time. Acgar poked the vile creature yet again and I zapped it with a Ray of Enfeeblement. Indira continued to keep us up and kicking.

The creature raised its hind leg and rapidly struck it against the ground, causing the entire floor to shake violently. All but Myntilly managed to stand their ground. Acgar once again breathed on it with her stinky breath (we should really see about importing some of those TicTac things… which actually come from the plane that this Easter Bunny creature is from) and after standing herself, another Orb was loosed by Myntilly. Sadi once again fired upon the fell creature and my Grease spell failed to return the favor for trying to knock us over. Indira actually seemed a little bored for a moment.

The creature was beginning to lose its fight! It lashed out at Acgar once more, trying to bite her and tear her limb from limb, but was unable to connect before slipping on the greasy floor. Realizing we had the upper hand, I stayed my hand, holding my breath and waiting to see if my services were still needed. It was then that Sadi’s arrow aimed truest, meeting its mark with a deadly precision. The red glow in the creature’s eyes faded and its fuzzy little tail drooped. We had killed the Easter Bunny.

True to the legends, this creature did have some wonderful presents within its basket. It would be too much to boast about our rewards here, but I certainly intend to enjoy perusing this new tome.

Covered in goo, sneezing my head off, and having killed a legend after being treated as a circus freak, I’m quite glad this day is over. Hopefully tomorrow will bode better. This performance of their friend Dyskko sounds quite lovely. I had sent a message to Occipitus, letting Qwerty know of the bardic show; I very much hope he will be able to attend.

Best to all,



  1. I really feel that all of these posts should be put together to create a book. The writing is awesome. My favorite new blog!!

    Comment by Senor Geraldo — April 2, 2009 @ 5:15 am

  2. I am very proud of my second cousin twice removed — she did me proud!

    Comment by Indira — April 2, 2009 @ 6:57 am

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