Drinks are on me! I do love a fine dwarfen stout, so long as there is a good story to go with it!
Ah, yes… a story. Well, here’s mine… though it isn’t much.
Well, my earliest recollection is of being in the Theocracy of the Pale, a land that is not very kind to those who are not boot-lickers of Pholtus (**spits**). I somehow managed to get in with a group of adventurers who, not knowing who I was any more than I did, were kind enough to let me help them remove the Swampwood curse. That was some six years ago, in Oerth time, as I recall.
Seeing as I had nothing better to do, I allowed them to accompany me back to their home in the Grand Duchy of Geoff, where I dabbled a bit in the so-called ‘adventuring’ line of work for awhile. A certain one of those adventuring types with a half-orc crusader of the Shield Maiden. I carried quite a torch for him, but those days are long past (and I’m sure he could not have kept up with my libido **winkwink**).
After a visit to Greyhawk where I helped with a witchhunting, I opted for a vacation to the Kingodm of Northern Aerdy. While there, a scroll of Fireball was thrust into my hands and, not knowing what else to do with it, I used it… to great detriment. Oh, sure, I was able to destroy the oncomming army, but it had no finesse about it. It was then that I swore never to deal damage myself again. It was also then that I stumbled upon Qwerty and, finding another creature in great distress, have sworn to help him untap his musical reserves. With some hot-wiring over time, we have managed to provide a form of music that has been described as “synth” by denizens of other planes (I personally thing it sounds like a Trollish mating call, but we elfs have much more sensitive ears than most lowly denizens of Oerth.)
After returning to Geoff for a time to pay a visit to my half-orc friend, I heard tell of a town outside of Greyhawk that was under strange circumstances. With Morty, the half-orc, in tow, we gathered some others and made the trip there to see what all of the hubub was about. It was there that I discovered my true love, Zagyg. The entire town was under his influence, and never have I felt more at home. Entire buildings were floating sideways in mid-air. Upon approaching the town, the conciousness of each individual in our group was switched with that of another. It was rather odd being in the body of a dwarfen smacking-type, but the experience of learning, first-hand, what it was like to be so short and to have an affinity towards women with beards was fascinating! While I did not have the opportunity to meet Zagyg in-person, I did feel his touch in the end–never have I been touched like that before! Ah, to stand in his presence is my dream… Sorry, Morty.
I returned to Geoff and worked on my research regarding the attraction of facial hair, covering the costs of my studies with the occasional adventure. Qwerty, however, seemed to be anxious to travel and see Oerth, so again we headed out, deciding that the best place to start was, well, where it all started.
On arrival in Northern Aerdy, we came across a small village that was in fear of being razed by orcs. Seeing as blood was demanded by the villagefolk and I refused to take blood, the orcs did, in-fact, attack while Qwerty and I were off picnicing. We saved a small infant, young Fireball there, from the orphanage but all others were lost. The bumbling group of mercenaries would never have found the orcs if we hadn’t show them where they were hiding, but those who wanted blood did finally get it. I refused to let the young infant grow up among such bloodthirsty savages, so he now travels with me. The world is certainly a much better teacher than many of these schools.
(To be continued…)
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